The one

6 05 2019

The one, who smiles nonchalantly

and replies to the stories of childhood anxieties

with that soft „that was long ago, ey?“ –

which suddenly works,

and you stumble and blink and – then at once, you can breathe again.

The one who stammers himself,

when touched deeper on his own demons,

as if no one ever cared to ask twice when he says everything´s fine.

The one, who steps up and draws back far too quickly

for my overcautious mind to react just in time.

The one who never comes too close and is never away,

who shares the tiredness, excitement, energy,

and cranial hunger of a raging spirit,

and yet fills you with that meek, quiet, and despicable peace,

that makes your every cell smile like a Cheshire cat,

the one who brings you light.

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Légèreté de l’être

22 04 2019

And so I´m back…

Back where?

Back to the track?

Back to black?

Back searching for some ephemeral illusion

of human – freedom? peace? of happiness? of hope?

Back to the question marks with no solution?

 

Back to this dizziness of flight – or fall

– no safety ropes

could hold me, but my fear.

This simple human thing,

mixed with adrenalin and blatant fascination.

No longer searching for futile salvation,

Who cares! – I live! I feel! I think!

…I think I´m out of any causal link,

unbound of any worldly gravitation,

compressed,

expanded,

twisted,

newly formed by this

unbearable lightness of my being…

 





Erised

7 02 2019

All of my recent self… these words, these worlds, these feelings,

all of my joys, my longings, and my strives,

all of these shiny trifles that comprised my settled life, –

„so are they all! all honourable…“ things…

 

all this that seemed to stay, to everlast,

bled white with ink, bleached out and withered.

The spirals of my tired spine unweaving:

If everything goes, why, then my life has passed.

 

And everything I dreamt I felt or had

Was neither carved in stone nor sealed by action,

`t was never mine, not ever, since its inception,

´t was just a mere illusion in the Mirror of Erised.





our rags of light…

1 10 2018

Puzzling and humbling:

living them through,

these stolen moments of peace,

of sacred shared-ness

amongst the daily roam.

These tiny emeralds of easiness,

of unexpected fun

of being

simply me

or

simply you.

Cheerful recognition

of those

rags of light

smiling back in the eyes of the other.

 

 





Hangover

9 08 2018

… and this crippling awareness emerges,

and the oyster, devoid of her shell,

grips for pieces of it in an urge

to re-cover herself. All meant well,

yet the pieces lie fallen apart.

.

Every breath feels so dizzy inside.

Pumping blood open-air, her heart,

unprotected for any more surges,

gapes for silence, and comfort, and light.





De-oyster-ised

29 07 2018

Not that I´d never breath´d before,

Not that I´d been a deprived of human warmth,

Not that I had been deaf and heard no music. –

And still this silent tune of yours is finer.

 

I am all open now.

Come round and have a look.

I feel and sound,

I´m reaching for a thin air,

I´m humbled in my will:

I have no voice to call your name,

I am confused,

I know no more.

I don´t know where I am, –

This wood between the worlds:

No end and no beginning.

Completely out of my shell.

De-oyster-ised and gaping

For your quiet light.

 





Between the lines

29 03 2018

Lost so deep between the lines,

Far too smart for implications,

For unwise insinuations

Far too earnest, far too fine.

 

Lines with lead still feel so light,

Following your shapes. No touching.

Modest, decent. Am I blushing? –

When the lines collide…