Так нежно…

18 06 2019

Так нежно.

Так тихо и нежно,

Как воздух, что в горле, смутившись

Банальностью голосовых связок,

Беззвучно, пугливо, интимно

Вплавляется в бесконечность

Движений, улыбок и взглядов.

Как кончики пальцев,

чуть вздрогнув,

смолкают, не смея коснуться,

И дух раздосадован этой –

Незримой. Неумолимой.

До бешенства вездесущей –

Тончайшей прозрачной границей.

Ах, как мы исполнены такта!

С Тобой – говорить и смеяться,

Лелея те взгляды украдкой,

Невинные прикосновенья –

Так близко и так бесконтактно.

Как будто мы малые дети…

Так нежно, легко и безмерно,

Лишь вовремя, как при румбе,

Шаг

сделать

назад, – и смирно

Бежать по привычным спинам…

Так нежно, украдкой, с улыбкой,

Так трогательно и… параллельно

Эвклидово наше пространство.

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I thank Thee

13 05 2019

It has been good and fine, my Lord,

Through all this time, this life,

Thou hast been patient and kind to me.

I thank Thee.

 

All of this cheerful hopelessness,

all of this blind and deaf, and muted glory,

of well-established and successful matrimony.

All the complexity of spirits, blessed,

and cursed, and tied to one another,

colliding in their futile try to melt

together. Ever so close they dwelled

over the threshold of each other´s soul,

two willful, ever failing lovers…

 





The one

6 05 2019

The one, who smiles nonchalantly

and replies to the stories of childhood anxieties

with that soft „that was long ago, ey?“ –

which suddenly works,

and you stumble and blink and – then at once, you can breathe again.

The one who stammers himself,

when touched deeper on his own demons,

as if no one ever cared to ask twice when he says everything´s fine.

The one, who steps up and draws back far too quickly

for my overcautious mind to react just in time.

The one who never comes too close and is never away,

who shares the tiredness, excitement, energy,

and cranial hunger of a raging spirit,

and yet fills you with that meek, quiet, and despicable peace,

that makes your every cell smile like a Cheshire cat,

the one who brings you light.





Légèreté de l’être

22 04 2019

And so I´m back…

Back where?

Back to the track?

Back to black?

Back searching for some ephemeral illusion

of human – freedom? peace? of happiness? of hope?

Back to the question marks with no solution?

 

Back to this dizziness of flight – or fall

– no safety ropes

could hold me, but my fear.

This simple human thing,

mixed with adrenalin and blatant fascination.

No longer searching for futile salvation,

Who cares! – I live! I feel! I think!

…I think I´m out of any causal link,

unbound of any worldly gravitation,

compressed,

expanded,

twisted,

newly formed by this

unbearable lightness of my being…

 





Erised

7 02 2019

All of my recent self… these words, these worlds, these feelings,

all of my joys, my longings, and my strives,

all of these shiny trifles that comprised my settled life, –

„so are they all! all honourable…“ things…

 

all this that seemed to stay, to everlast,

bled white with ink, bleached out and withered.

The spirals of my tired spine unweaving:

If everything goes, why, then my life has passed.

 

And everything I dreamt I felt or had

Was neither carved in stone nor sealed by action,

`t was never mine, not ever, since its inception,

´t was just a mere illusion in the Mirror of Erised.





Past

22 01 2019

I saw past the obvious.

Past all the traffic lights,

Screaming red,

throwing their desperate glances

across my way and into my face.

 

I saw past those tiny symptoms of overload,

of the ever-growing loneliness,

eternal existential alone-ness,

being lost between the lines of being kind,

nice, understanding, caring,

between the peacekeeping and appeasement.

 

I saw and felt all of it coming,

all of insomnia,

neck-ache, skin oversensitivity,

drawback, overreaction and bodily numbness.

I knew it all, and yet I saw past it,

How I wished to be blind!

And now it all passed…





Talking of Tennyson: Transience

5 11 2018
So runs my dream: but what am I?
An infant crying in the night:
An infant crying for the light:
And with no language but a cry.
(In Memorian A.H.H., 54)
And so I walk across the sites
Of past and present intertwined,
Caleidoscope of shapes and lines,
These labyrinths of shade and light.
.
These labyrinths of day and night,
These human passions carved in stone,
They laught at you before they´re gone
And burst and burn as they collide.
.
They burst and perish – ask not, why.
Scattered across the shingles ashore,
One may not ask nor hope for more.
Nor will, nor soul, nor mind survive.
.
The Sense is conceal´d. Behind the veil –
And what am I to disobey:
All of them, all, who dreamt and prayed,
They all have passed! And so will we…