Rien

6 06 2020

I fell in love with emptiness

Of sentence ends,

In which I put,

With shivery uncertain hands,

This meaning.

So painfully ashamed

Of my irregular vector,

Forcing myself out of my own muteness,

Challenging myself to open –

What was it all for?

 

Nothing.

 

Pre-emptive nothingness,

Moist, cold, and thick greyness.

I fell in love with emptiness.

There was nothing in it.





Famous blue raincoat – part 2

4 06 2020

Thanks – for the trouble you took from her eyes.

All along it was there for good,

And no one, indeed, ever tried.

 

Thanks – for you made her a flake of your life,

Shiny, weightless, amusing and free

Best before: Friday, quarter to five.

 

Thanks – for you showed her: no matter how good,

You just had all the flakes in your world,

You just hardly could care for one more.

 

Thanks – so sincerely, as never before,

For the trouble you took from her eyes,

Stunned at it for a while – and placed back.





Some famous blue raincoat – part 1

2 06 2020

 

He made me so aware 

Of the nods, and edges,

And witty shingles of my

Queerly shaped uneven spirit

And body that reacted bluntly and 

Shun itself into exhaustion.

He made me yearn for easiness of being with him

While I would never be but a flake

Of his illuminated life.

And though I hurt to be a flake,

He made me live at once.

Indeed, he took the trouble from my eyes…

 





In Deine Hände

31 05 2020

In Deine Hände, große Stille,

ich lege meine kranke Stirn.

Entstellt, gelöst, geklärt, entzwirnt –

Befreit von Hoffnung´ sanften Wirren,

Entkleidet aller Kraft und Wille –

Ich füge mich reumütig Dir.

 

Drück Deinen Mund an meine Schläfen,

umarme mich – ich bin so leer,

so einsam, ruhig und verklärt,

im tiefen, trüben, kalten Meer –

lass dieses Weh in mir einschläfern

Durch Deine Ruh. Ich träum nicht mehr.





history

19 05 2020

… and when I’m asked upon the life I saw

and thought, and felt, and cast in line and rhyme

amidst this world – immediate to God:

I did not less, perhaps, I did not more,

but sat and span my yarn, assembling time…





in your eyes only

16 05 2020

Show me how to be precious,

desperate, devious, hysterical,

быть восхитительно бешеной, –

woven between these lines

of some heretic simplicity

my overzealous mind

never could fully grasp.

 

Your intricate pattern:

this subtly feline

– indescribable –

line of your silhouette,

perfectly filling space,

maddens me out of my wits.

 

This delicate subtlety of

– ! your exclamation marks ! –

hidden

from unaware eyes,

bent to still question marks

over my pertinent fear

mixed with this stubborn anger,

spiced with unfulfilled longing,

drenched in endless coffee.

 

See me with those eyes of yours, –

the eyes of the Other –

see yourself in dissimilarity,

for I, too,

recognise

myself

– this new me –

in your eyes only.

 





Winter

20 10 2019

Vom sommerlichen Rennen reichlich noch getrost

Und nicht begriffen, dass das Spiel verlor´n,

Noch Kraft im Herzen, noch der Kopf empor

Begegne ich diesem ersten leisen Frost.

 

Er tritt heran so weich und so umsichtig,

Allwissend wie ein alter Psychiater,

Der meine Regungen wie ein verspielter Kater

Erkannt, belächelt hat… und hingerichtet.

 

In sein beruhigender Hand gefangen,

Vergeblich ringt man: noch ein Schritt! Ein Wort…

Er ist zu zart, zu unausweichlich, dieser stiller Tod.

Ich zittere noch kurz und bin sofort vergangen.





Так нежно…

18 06 2019

Так нежно.

Так тихо и нежно,

Как воздух, что в горле, смутившись

Банальностью голосовых связок,

Беззвучно, пугливо, интимно

Вплавляется в бесконечность

Движений, улыбок и взглядов.

Как кончики пальцев,

чуть вздрогнув,

смолкают, не смея коснуться,

И дух раздосадован этой –

Незримой. Неумолимой.

До бешенства вездесущей –

Тончайшей прозрачной границей.

Ах, как мы исполнены такта!

С Тобой – говорить и смеяться,

Лелея те взгляды украдкой,

Невинные прикосновенья –

Так близко и так бесконтактно.

Как будто мы малые дети…

Так нежно, легко и безмерно,

Лишь вовремя, как при румбе,

Шаг

сделать

назад, – и смирно

Бежать по привычным спинам…

Так нежно, украдкой, с улыбкой,

Так трогательно и… параллельно

Эвклидово наше пространство.





As I

20 05 2019

As I

dance

across

the water edge

of freshly gained illusions, hopes, and wishes,

 

as I

flash

a smile

across

the chlor-free pages

of some thoughts, enwrapped in words and figures,

 

as I

touch

in passing

secret

backside

of your trained, well-balanced mind,

 

I am

almost

unafraid

to fly.

and still.

Don´t let me fall between the lines.

 





I thank Thee

13 05 2019

It has been good and fine, my Lord,

Through all this time, this life,

Thou hast been patient and kind to me.

I thank Thee.

 

All of this cheerful hopelessness,

all of this blind and deaf, and muted glory,

of well-established and successful matrimony.

All the complexity of spirits, blessed,

and cursed, and tied to one another,

colliding in their futile try to melt

together. Ever so close they dwelled

over the threshold of each other´s soul,

two willful, ever failing lovers…